Nearly three months ago, I left the pleasant climatic environs of San Diego, donning a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and sunglasses around my eyes (basically to create the aura that I’m cool). More than two months later, I haven’t worn shorts in several weeks and I’m now wearing gloves and dressing in as many as four layers, minus shades. Brrr, it has been cold indeed.

The cold temperatures might also have contributed to my Washington, DC breakdown last week, resulting from a trifecta of problems: dead battery, air leak, and faulty return flow valve. With the green machine back in business, I was back on the road.

On Thanksgiving Day, I was in “Big D,” aka, Dallas, Texas, where it was – snowing. Yep, that’s right, let it snow in the Sunbelt on Turkey Day. The open roof at Texas Stadium, home of the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys, is such that “God can watch his favorite team play” but the only thing clearly visible above the field against the Jets in the first half were white flakes coming down in droves. The snow never made it to field level but it was so cold the Cowboys cheerleaders weren’t even showing their belly buttons, none of which would have made a difference in the game as the playoff-bound “America’s Team” pounded the lowly Jets. 

From the Lone Star State, I took in three rivalry games over the next three days in three different states, starting with Louisiana State hosting the Arkansas Razorbacks, aka Hogs/Pigs, in Baton Rouge in a game with national title implications. The host Tigers welcomed their enemy owning the No. 1-ranking in college football, and had dominated the annual “Battle of the Golden Boot” showdown (an ugly trophy shaped like a boot – don’t ask).

LSU has a tailgating reputation as being as “close to Mardi Gras as Mardi Gras” and I experienced this reality firsthand. Before kickoff, a group of diehard Tigers stabbed the hell out of a pig and I was forced to get in on the act, but made sure to don it with a winter cap (because even dead pigs get cold). However, it would be the Tigers – not the Hogs – that would really be totally toast by day’s end.

If there’s been one common theme throughout this college football season, it’s been upsets, with a plethora of top-ranked teams getting stunned. I’ve been a witness to many of the proceedings from day one – for example, witnessing the only two losses of Georgia’s fine season. But there was no bigger stakes, and no bigger an upset than Arkansas’ triple overtime triumph over LSU at Tiger Stadium where the last thing Cajuns were thinking about post-game was that singer Van Morrison happened to find inspiration for their home field for a lyric in “Brown-Eyed Girl.”

After Friday’s shocker, I traveled back through Big D headed to Oklahoma where it was, gasp, snowing again. Fortunately, by the time I got to Norman – home of the Oklahoma Sooners – it was neither snowing nor raining, but man, it was still cold. The OU cheerleaders weren’t the only ones bundled up. Yours truly had four layers beneath his blue jacket, but all was not blue for the host Sooners who pummeled in-state rival Oklahoma State to claim the Big 12 Conference North Division title to the happiness of their fans and their vibrant band.

From non-stormin’ Norman, I drove north, through Kansas to Kansas City, Missouri, where the NFL’s Chiefs were hosting AFC rival, Oakland on Sunday. The Chiefs had dominated the Raiders, winning the last nine contests. But they play games for reasons, and the silver and black found reasoning in the Chiefs lackluster offensive miscues to take advantage and sneak out of Arrowhead Stadium with a victory. One bright spot for Chiefs fans? Well, there cheerleaders aren’t sissies like the Cowboys, Sooners and your climatically-challenged author.

Multiple layers? What, are you kidding me? The Chiefs gals showed plenty of skin for four quarters on Sunday while their team got skinned by the pathetic Raiders (and you thought the Chargers were having a bad season).

Four football games in four days in four different states: mucho dinero, mucho fun, mucho hace frio (e.g.., mucho cold).

Brrr, but I’m still having a mucho great time.